| I need to rant. |
[21 Mar 2007|10:16pm] |
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I'm so sick of being with people I have no intention of actually sustaining a relationship with. I just want to be with him... I'm tired of pushing myself into these stupid time waisting tragedies where I eventually start to feel something and then back out. Sam is the only person it was ever different with. Everybody else seriously means nothing to me. And it's sad, and I hate myself for it... but I'm over it now. I just want to be with Rodney. From now until the end of time I want to be his. I'm seriously pissed off at myself. I can't believe I waisted so many peoples time and energy when all I ever wanted was to just pass the time and wait for him. I mean, yeah, we talk every once in awhile... but I almost feel like neither of us puts enough energy into it. I'm just so sick of time waisted... Just be with me.. You and me forever. Right? That's what we want, it's what we need, it's what we planned... Just be with me. I don't want to do this with anyone but you. You're my everything. I love you Rodney.
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[13 Mar 2007|10:41am] |
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mood |
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 sore |
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I miss the nights we would talk on the phone until we couldnt even keep our eyes open anymore. I miss all of our nicknames and jokes and I miss the way you said my name. Today it all feels like it was only a dream. Like it was never real. But I know it was. I want you to be the one, because I know you are. There is noone in the world as perfect for me as you, but we barely talk. Why is that? Where are you? All I need is to know that you still love me.
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[30 Oct 2006|09:45am] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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Good Morning.
It's 9:46 AM and I'm sitting outside room 209 in DE waiting for class to get out so that I can get in. I don't know what's wrong with me. I fell out of love with Rodney and fell HARD for Sam. Will Rodney read this? I'm not sure if he even reads anything I write anymore. I still love him... don't get me wrong... I always will. You never stop loving someone... you just end up loving them in a different way. But Sam. Oh Sam is AMAZING. He treats me with respect and he opens doors for me. He's the boy I always wanted... and he's here. It hasn't been long since we started dating... but I can tell he's the one. Is that stupid? I know I'm stupid. But what can I say I guess... I just love him.
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[15 Sep 2006|09:36am] |
So I'm sitting in the servery at my college thinking about how I am actually, a college student. I realized JUST YESTERDAY that I don't actually live at home anymore. I've been here for a good three weeks now...
Im such a loser. lol. But that's okay I guess.
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| 32 more days... |
[23 Jul 2006|10:45pm] |
Just about a full 32 days til I leave for Storm Lake... I always knew I'd get away from here for college, but I never expecte it to be to IOWA! I mean come on... Seriously, though, I'm scared. I'm really scared that I'm going to fuck everything up and I don't know what I'd do if I fell apart in college. Being the hopeless romantic that I am I'm looking for true love, and I know that's going to get me in a lot of trouble... But I'm in control for now. Just getting shit done. It's hard though. Aren't you scared? Being in this place I've only been to twice in my life... and I'm spending the next 4 years of my life there. What if I fuck it up? What if I look to hard for love and don;t concentrate? What if I dont wake up in time enough for my 8 o clock in the morning class? What if I'm kidding myself? What if my dreams are TOO big? ...I just wish I could skip it all and become everything I've ever wanted to be. The award winning actress who changed the face of theatre.
...I'm so, so scared.
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[11 May 2006|08:39am] |
dudes.
livejournal.
and stuff.
i love rodney.
that is all.
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| I sent this to Rodney today |
[07 Mar 2006|06:51pm] |
So my entire english class had a conversation about you today... Were reading sonnets in class and Guth asked us to raise our hands if we're in love... So I did. and AJ jumped all over me, saying how could I be in love at 18 and that love didnt even exist and I just looked at him and i said "There are different kinds of love... You can love your parents differently than you love your friends and you can love significant others. But to be IN love... To be TRUELY MADLY DEEPLY IN LOVE means that you are thinking about them every second of the day and you can name the EXACT MOMENT in time that you fell in love with that person. You still get the same feelings in your stomach when you talk to them as you did when you first met them and every time you talk to them you smile. And every time you hear their voice you smile and every time they laugh you smile and every time they press enter and send you another message on yahoo you smile. Or even when that stupid moniter on your computer makes that stupid ringing noise that lets you know they are IMing you or when your AIM moos at you because they signed online... But no matter what, no matter the fights youve had the arguements you get into, the time spent away from eachother, in your heart you know that the only thing keeping you from them is you.. and that no matter what you know you will be with them for the rest of your life wether you have to walk to the end of the earth for them or not.... THATS when you know youre in love... and I'm in love. And i have never felt so happy in my entire life as i do when I talk to him... When he says my name... when he IMs me. When my stupidcomputer makes that stupid ringing noise letting me know that he's IMing me or when my AIM moos because it signifies that he got online and everything else I just said... Because to me, he's the only thing that matters. And WE know that if it takes days or months or years we WILL be together no matter how no matter when no matter where. We WILL be together because i DO remeber when It was i first fell for him." ANd Rodney... I fell for you the moment you said my name. Not because of your sexy southern accent or your hot voice or anything but the fact that it was YOU saying my name... and I dont ever want anyone to say it the way you said it again. I love you Rodney Wayne Murdoch... And wether you go to Buena Vista or not next year is our year and no matter when no matter how no matter where... I WILL see you. And I wont ever let you go.
So yeah... Im in love with him and theres no doubting that. Im just glad everyone in my ENglish class knows it now. Haha. They all looked at me like i was crazy but they all said how profound it was... Im just glad they undestand.
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| school is lamexcore |
[23 Feb 2006|02:55pm] |
im stuck here looking up information on gay marriages.
LAME
who cares about debating?
I sure as fuck don't.
okay so i got a little out of hand there.
I loe government class.
This is like the best class I have.
I think I'm just in a bad mood because Q didnt let us talk this morning about our movies.
Speaking of movies: If you live in Bellevue or omaha and want to be involved you can contact me.
cell - 3218688 (if you live out of state the area code is 402 you can text me if you want... I'd like that.)
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[23 Jan 2006|09:09pm] |
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mood |
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 rejuvenated |
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This is my love and me.
I adore him.
The scandelous part!?...
He's a freshman... I know.
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[06 Jan 2006|07:22am] |
school is gay.
musical is gay.
dru's parents are gay.
rodney is being gay.
everything is gay.
i cant wait to leave.
♥Becker
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[30 Dec 2005|07:50am] |
ive never been so frustrated with anymone in my entire life.
youd think that we were all mature enough to realize that this was stupid...
evidently im the only mature one here...
but i swear on everything... if this continues... im gonna hit something... and it might end up being a person.
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[23 Dec 2005|03:01pm] |
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merry fucking christmas, assholes.
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[04 Dec 2005|11:46am] |
ive waited for years for a title like this. ♥
districts. its ours. and weve worked so hard.
it feels good to have come this far for this.
next week we leave for kearney... state championship,
here we come...
brent and i broke up.
i wasnt as broken up about it as i should have been.
i didnt even cry.
were still close.
and i still love him, yeah
but he needs to be happy.
and id give him the world.
im hanging out with the guy i like today.
ive known him for 4 years and supposedly hes liked me.
im not looking for anything serious.
there are only 2 people i could get serious with i think.
but im not looking for a pitty lay either.
i kinda just want to date around... you know?
anyways...
BBQ meeting at my house today.
if you know what it is you can come.
if you dont we can fill you in when you get here.
have a good one kids.
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| lovelovelove |
[17 Nov 2005|06:44pm] |
i love my boyfriend
♥
he loves me
♥
how great is this?
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[01 Nov 2005|10:06pm] |
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mood |
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 flirty |
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- 24 hours from now ill be in a plane on my way to see Brent
- he told me he wanted to marry me and for some reason it didnt freak me out
- im so excited to be getting to see my boyfriend and my mom
- spending time with them will be the best thing to happen all year
- im seriously ecstatic...
- i just wish everyone esle was as happy as i am
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[12 Oct 2005|05:41pm] |
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mood |
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 loved |
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music |
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walking by - something corporate |
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i got a letter from brent a week ago today,
and i got a phonecall from him last night.
hearing his voice made me realize i was okay,
and that i could get through this alright.
he said he sent me two more letters
so i should be getting them soon.
when he told me he loved me i felt better,
like my heart shot straight to the moon ♥
-- i seriously love him... he just kept telling me he missed me and that he loved me. it felt so amazing to be able to talk to him. i feel like with that now i can be stronger, you know? i dont have anything weighing me down anymore. i told him i wish he could have gone to worlds of fun with me. i told him i wanted to hold his hand on all the rides. he said hed like that and we'd go someday. he also told me theres a 99% chance hes getting stationed in omaha. my heart got happy when he said that too. as soon as hes done with all his training he'll be mine for good. because im thinking about stayin in omaha for college... its not a bad place to go to school... and its close to my friends. i havetn really decided yet... I just know i dont want to leave him.
20 more days til hes in my arms ♥
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| erin tagged me |
[01 Oct 2005|01:24pm] |
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mood |
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 creative |
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music |
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the yankees game |
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name ten things that make you happy:
1. brent
2. internet
3. theatre
4. dancing
5. music
6. friends
7. driving
8. bellevue
9. looking good
10. talking on the phone
TAG:
stephanie
brad
shel
chaz
jamie
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[25 Sep 2005|09:11pm] |
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mood |
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okay |
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music |
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long to go - fata |
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brent left a week ago for bootcamp.
i never expected to miss him this much.
i just wrote him the first letter tho.
it goes in the mail tomorrow hopefully.
last night ws homecoming and it was uber lame.
i looked really good but missed brent like woah.
it was hard to have fun when he was all i could think about.
afterwards: kayla, melissa, josh and i went to VI
it was delicious and we had a lot of fun.
then melissa and kayla came over to my house.
they both stayed the night and we had girl talk.
it was a lot of fun because i hadnt had that in awhile.
but we talked about having a naked pillow fight.
turns out we didnt though, so sorry to burst yor bubble.
i got the part i wante in the play.
im playing sarah jane moore:
( read this for more information on the character )
interesting, no? lol. imsuperstoked though.
and thats my new phrase: imsuperstoked.
have a good one guys.
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[25 Sep 2005|08:37pm] |
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mood |
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 naughty |
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music |
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where do you draw the line - fata |
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- Go to my userinfo and choose one user on my friends list that is not added on your friends list.
- Comment this entry with that username that you chose. I will tell you something about them.
- Do this on your journal, as well.
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[12 Sep 2005|06:13pm] |
stupid fucking los angeles...
i hate you for making myspace go down.
dont you know its like crack?
its my addiction....
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[05 Sep 2005|06:02pm] |
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mood |
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 indifferent |
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music |
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checkmarks - the academy is... |
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i deleted my open diary.
i downloaded it though.
so all of my old entries
are still on my computer.
it was very hard to do.
my highschool past is in
that diary and i let it go.
but i dont need it to
remind me how much of a
fuck up i am, i can do
that all by myself.
( ♥ )
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[31 Aug 2005|07:55pm] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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music |
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dirty dancing |
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rodney and i have been talking again.
hes got the internet back but he cant upload it.
he works a lot.
brent and i are fighting.
its a pretty bad one this time too.
i dunno whats gonna happen.
but im being completely honest when i say i wont careeither way
i told rodney i wasnt a virgin anymore.
he was really dissapointed in me.
i felt horrible.
but he promised me he still loved me.
thank heaven.
god im in such a wishy washy mood right now.
i dunno... i know i love rodney... hes such a crack-head.
but then again i love brent too... wow... im the crack-head.
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[19 Aug 2005|07:19pm] |
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mood |
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confused |
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so i like two different guys.
and im dating one of them.
am i an idiot, or what?
jesus, help me.
♥
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[11 Aug 2005|09:12am] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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so i think my mom loves brent more than she acutally loves me. lol.
we all met at applebees after work last night. it was me, my mom, jerica, cheryl, karen and her husband and denny, mrs quint and ally, jeanie and her brats (but angel was being pretty good), and brent.
it was kinda a going away dinner party for my mommy. Q got her a present. she got my mom a thespian pin and a letter and a dr. suess book. and ten she got her a card but by the time my mom went to read it she was crying and she couldnt so she passed it to me. and the card said "out of thousands of people in the world. imagine, i found the nicest one." and then she wrote in it "thanks dana for everything youve done for the theatre. blah blah blah. thanks for everything... especially for being my friend. love susan." and i looked at Q and i started to cry... i know a lot of people think Q is crazy... but shes really the sweetest woman ever. you just have to know her on a more personal level.
but brent put his arm around me and looked at me and said cheer up and kissed me on the forehead. ive never felt so comfortable with someone before. after everyone left to go home he came over and layed on my bed and watched myth busters... i was kinda trying to keep myself busy a little so i wouldnt have to think about this being my last day with my mom til december. shes taking me to get my senior pictures done though... which im very thankful for. and im hoping they turn out alright. but yeah.
ill see you all later.
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[10 Aug 2005|03:06pm] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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music |
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helena - mcr |
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whats the worst that i could say?
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